Random Thoughts 101
Actually i don't know what to write. I'm screwed. I'm lost for words. I'm broke, broke not because i don't have valentines date but i'm broke because of my personal issues in life. In short I'm fucked up. My mom and dad don't know I speak bad words. My mom and dad don't know how am i ?
I don't know why i keep telling myself 'everything;'s fine' but it seems not. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm tired being me. I'm tired from everything im going to. I'm not sure if everything will be fine soon?
That's one of the reason why i'm a pessimist, because my false hope keep failing. When i was in grade 7 one of my friend told me that "sometimes it's better to think negatively" and i keep on telling him that " no. you should be positive in life all the time". But when i prove myself wrong for that thinking and i prove my friend thinking right. Last year i began to be a pessimist to less expecting and to lessen the pain i'm going through. It;s true that teenage life is not easy. You keep on failing, you keep on breaking your own heart sometimes you'll just ask God "why did you wake me up this time ? Do you really want me to suffer ?" then broke down. When your alone you keep over thinking to the point that you're being too busy to be sad and forget happiness/joy.
But they as they say "there's always a rainbow after the rain" well i guess it's true. There's always a hope beyond those failures. Beyond those pain there's always a joy coming but em i only the one whose afraid to be happy ? whose afraid to be loved by others ? Am i only the one who don't want to see the sunrise after a storm. I don't believe in that situation but i do still believe in God. That's the only reason why i survive everyday. Why i still breathe even everything seem to be so suffocating. The only one who im scared off.
Why i still have hope even there no reason to live anymore. Even everything seems to fall apart. When everyone leave you hanging. Even the one you truly love and care pushes you away, you can still have the gut to smile and live. Like me, i have friends bu there's something missing still. I doubted myself many times cause i feel like i'm not good enough. And i hate that. I give everything i have but it seems it still feels like incomplete.
I don't know where to go. And i feel like i don't exist too. The positive Nicole is gone. People change for the better but for some people, they change for worse.
So for you whose reading this. If you want to change then change. It's for yourself not for them. Don't listen to them. If change is the only option you have then do it. Don't let them manipulate you your still a human who sometimes forget to live like one. Remember that you are the one whose making you destiny and you are the one who can make yourself happier and more comfortable. And they are the one who needs to adjust if they dont like to stay with you, then be thankful still.
I know it's very easy to say those but it's very difficult to apply if you're in that situation.
Okay. Good night .
I don't know why i keep telling myself 'everything;'s fine' but it seems not. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm tired being me. I'm tired from everything im going to. I'm not sure if everything will be fine soon?
That's one of the reason why i'm a pessimist, because my false hope keep failing. When i was in grade 7 one of my friend told me that "sometimes it's better to think negatively" and i keep on telling him that " no. you should be positive in life all the time". But when i prove myself wrong for that thinking and i prove my friend thinking right. Last year i began to be a pessimist to less expecting and to lessen the pain i'm going through. It;s true that teenage life is not easy. You keep on failing, you keep on breaking your own heart sometimes you'll just ask God "why did you wake me up this time ? Do you really want me to suffer ?" then broke down. When your alone you keep over thinking to the point that you're being too busy to be sad and forget happiness/joy.
But they as they say "there's always a rainbow after the rain" well i guess it's true. There's always a hope beyond those failures. Beyond those pain there's always a joy coming but em i only the one whose afraid to be happy ? whose afraid to be loved by others ? Am i only the one who don't want to see the sunrise after a storm. I don't believe in that situation but i do still believe in God. That's the only reason why i survive everyday. Why i still breathe even everything seem to be so suffocating. The only one who im scared off.
Why i still have hope even there no reason to live anymore. Even everything seems to fall apart. When everyone leave you hanging. Even the one you truly love and care pushes you away, you can still have the gut to smile and live. Like me, i have friends bu there's something missing still. I doubted myself many times cause i feel like i'm not good enough. And i hate that. I give everything i have but it seems it still feels like incomplete.
I don't know where to go. And i feel like i don't exist too. The positive Nicole is gone. People change for the better but for some people, they change for worse.
So for you whose reading this. If you want to change then change. It's for yourself not for them. Don't listen to them. If change is the only option you have then do it. Don't let them manipulate you your still a human who sometimes forget to live like one. Remember that you are the one whose making you destiny and you are the one who can make yourself happier and more comfortable. And they are the one who needs to adjust if they dont like to stay with you, then be thankful still.
I know it's very easy to say those but it's very difficult to apply if you're in that situation.
Okay. Good night .
Comments
Post a Comment