Nicole Says

It's been a while since i posted. My 2018 was a disaster yet a blessing. My dad got sick, my uncle past away. Like it's been a tough year for me and my family. We never saw it coming- I never saw it coming. but i learned a lot of things last year and im thankful for that. For almost half of i year i experienced living alone. From waking up alone, doing my food all by myself, the chores, the laundry, washing dishes. I learned to be independent somehow, i am paying the bills, i have to go to the grocery, budget my allowance. I experienced to be lazy all day like all i did was to sleep.I don't eat 3 times a day because i have classes and just choose to eat noodles and can goods. Instant. I had to take care of myself when i am sick. Every night i used to cry because im struggling with my studies. Then December came, i though it was the most wonderful time of the year. And then before christmas past 11 am  that is the time when my tito passed away, im devastated and in shock....

Hey there !! Nicole here again. Been a long time and today's Good Friday and today is a perfect day for realizations. I know that a lot of people cannot forgive themselves for something they didn't mean to do. As for me. I also ask that question like every day and every night. People usually told me just to be okay, or 'hey it alright they will forgive you soon.' or the worst is 'the damage has been done so no need to be sorry'. But for me i suffer every night because of guilt. The guilt that i caused so much pain not only to myself but for those people behind it. So how to forgive yourself ? #1  Pray. Talk to God, talk to him and ask some sign and strength to have courage to face very person you bullied or whatever. #2 Reach Out.  Show your sincerity. You have to do the first move, even they pushed you away you can't just give up easily because you made it you turn them in to their limitation. #3 Hear their side.  Listen to them even it hurts you e...

These past months i got to get what i want. What i want... to buy hings i don't really need, Where i want to go without my parents. What i want to eat.  BUUT, now i realize that you really have t choose what is the best for your physical health. Well, im not a nutritionist or health enthusiast this just based on my experience.Lately, I've feel so weak i don't know why but the only reason that comes to my mind is wrong pick of foods and sleeping habit.  Every morning i eat noodle or 'pansit' a filipino food. Well, its kinda good and healthy however i don't eat breakfast everyday, like im havin breakfast three times a week only. Sometimes i also don't eat lunch and sleep instead of eating but i always eat dinner. i know my diet is very poor. I don't know why i keep on doing it but myself know how bad it is.When i don't have classes, i woke up soooo late like 11 or 12  in the afternoon, there's one time i woke up 2 pm. Then i sleep 2-5 am in ...

I dont know where to begin or how to begin. I moved to my aunts house so i wont spend to much money for fair. And i need this to cause i want to be an indipendent person.  But upon staying on my auntie's house , i also live with my cousin. Well they are older than me. At first im scared. There so much goin on inside my head. 'what ifs' . And that makes me sick. And today its exactly a week after. And i can say that, i feel at home too. Being with them, is just hella rollercoaster emotion. i felt scared, i felt safe. I feel sad. I felt so happy. Tho. i miss them. My family. Almost everynight i heard them talking to their boyfies'. And you all know that I dont have boyfriend right? But upon hearing those laughter. It made me feel contented. I don't know why. Im just really so happy for them. Seeing them blushing, or making lambing 'voice' make me realize that it's really love that matters after all, i guess.. Im still searching whats the true meaning of...

At seventeen, i can say that im tougher enough to face every challenges. Well evreryday was a do or die for me, i know what does it feel to be a typical teen. Expereincing life struggles like heartaches, being left out/alone. Being bullied(?) and facing the reality that life is tough.  I used to get what i want. But thats before because as of now, we're currently experiencing a crisis. Or financial problem cause my father's been unemployed since 2013. I don't know how my mom and dad handle this situation because i remember we dont have money to live. But they do everything for us to continue our study. I don't know how i handle those problem. I had a lot of breakdowns. Overthinking everything. And before i was really a optimistic  but know i am a pessimist. Yep a nega thinker. i also don't know what happened to me.  But time fly so fast and another year was given to me. I guess i still need to learn a lot. God give me another chance to live and to achieve...

It's been a very long day for me. We just had our farewell party today and it's pretty tiring. We dedicated that party to our dearest teachers who guided us to grow as a better person that we could be. (sorry for the bad grammar). Anyway, we thought that it wouldn't be as successful as we expected but we surely enjoy what we had earlier. Those messeges that will remain as our inpiration and motivation to always look forward. To always be thankful to what we have. to be as thoughtful as our second parents/teachers. To be a good model for the next generation. And to be the person we always want to be. It's a farewell party because we'll be moving out the school and make another step for our future. Because i am a grade 10 student of Special Program for Journalism, here in Tayabas City, Quezon Province Philippines. To my Grade 10 Family thank you for sharing your whole jorney with me. Donna's right even though we don't love each other that mush , your stil...

Actually i don't know what to write. I'm screwed. I'm lost for words. I'm broke, broke not because i don't have valentines date but i'm broke because of my personal issues in life. In short I'm fucked up. My mom and dad don't know I speak bad words. My mom and dad don't know how am i ? I don't know why i keep telling myself 'everything;'s fine' but it seems not. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm tired being me. I'm tired from everything im going to. I'm not sure if everything will be fine soon? That's one of the reason why i'm a pessimist, because my false hope keep failing. When i was in grade 7 one of my friend told me that "sometimes it's better to think negatively" and i keep on telling him that " no. you should be positive in life all the time". But when i prove myself wrong for that thinking and i prove my friend thinking right. Last year i began to be a pessimist to less ex...