Nicole Says

Dearest N,  Hi ! Its been a year again and its time to give you some update. I have a job for real. Like this is really the reality. Im living in the dream — Citylights dream. Living in a different place wasn’t easy but because of my experiences during college I had adapted quickly. I had to be away from my family again— going home only if there’s an occasion or time.  Okay soo this is also the time where i experience crazy things. Not gonna regret it cause it has been a dream too. I wish i could put into details but for some reason i just want it to be a ‘memory’. There’s a lot of stories behind this update that i should remember when i come back again. I wanted to post this as well to be a reminder that every challenge we face in life is just a stepping stone for growth.  Right now, im not sure what path should i take or am i even on the right track however i learn how to accept my fate— that even i have this whole year planner i won’t be able to get em on the day I pla...

Dearest N,  Hello its been a while since i posted something here in my blog. However I just wanted to update my blog so yea Im here again. Anyways, I prayed for 2023. I really did. I remember it's my bio on my twitter account. BUt actually 2022 was the happiest year so far. Gotta spend my time with family members who are overseas. I witnessed the marriage of my favorite person. We got a new family pictures. I thought 2023 is going to be my year. because 23 is my favorite numbere haha no significance but yea. Besides we started the year, blissfully.  Inspite of that, during the 21st of January ( feasibilty study's final defense) my dad passed away. I have accepetd that my dad won't is gatting old and he's been fighting for 5 years already but i never anticipated this day will come running. Before he died, he knew that he was running out of time. And gladly we have showered our love and we spoiled him already. I know he wanted to stay but it was his body who gave up. I ac...

 Hi N,  Its been a while again since i posted something. Lately i've been feeling blue, i wonder how it feels to be love genuinely by someone. Im no broken. I've been single for so long and some of my friends have their own family. I wonder if I can be able to have it as well. They told me 'it will find you eventually', but for soem reason i feel like im running out of time. Actually, I've entertained someone last year but end up not well. He's far from my ideal but i feel like i have no choice. But guess what because of my recklessness and being in the 'thought' of feeling love, i almost break some girls heart cause i didn't dig deeper. Well im just an amature when it comes to love, yes i know some rules in love but it doesn't mean i can apply em all. Im just a little girl who wishes to be love by someone. To be love by a man. I've been single for so long but i never imagine that it would hurt me this way. Some nights i ask myself, what is w...

It's been a while since i posted. My 2018 was a disaster yet a blessing. My dad got sick, my uncle past away. Like it's been a tough year for me and my family. We never saw it coming- I never saw it coming. but i learned a lot of things last year and im thankful for that. For almost half of i year i experienced living alone. From waking up alone, doing my food all by myself, the chores, the laundry, washing dishes. I learned to be independent somehow, i am paying the bills, i have to go to the grocery, budget my allowance. I experienced to be lazy all day like all i did was to sleep.I don't eat 3 times a day because i have classes and just choose to eat noodles and can goods. Instant. I had to take care of myself when i am sick. Every night i used to cry because im struggling with my studies. Then December came, i though it was the most wonderful time of the year. And then before christmas past 11 am  that is the time when my tito passed away, im devastated and in shock....

Hey there !! Nicole here again. Been a long time and today's Good Friday and today is a perfect day for realizations. I know that a lot of people cannot forgive themselves for something they didn't mean to do. As for me. I also ask that question like every day and every night. People usually told me just to be okay, or 'hey it alright they will forgive you soon.' or the worst is 'the damage has been done so no need to be sorry'. But for me i suffer every night because of guilt. The guilt that i caused so much pain not only to myself but for those people behind it. So how to forgive yourself ? #1  Pray. Talk to God, talk to him and ask some sign and strength to have courage to face very person you bullied or whatever. #2 Reach Out.  Show your sincerity. You have to do the first move, even they pushed you away you can't just give up easily because you made it you turn them in to their limitation. #3 Hear their side.  Listen to them even it hurts you e...

These past months i got to get what i want. What i want... to buy hings i don't really need, Where i want to go without my parents. What i want to eat.  BUUT, now i realize that you really have t choose what is the best for your physical health. Well, im not a nutritionist or health enthusiast this just based on my experience.Lately, I've feel so weak i don't know why but the only reason that comes to my mind is wrong pick of foods and sleeping habit.  Every morning i eat noodle or 'pansit' a filipino food. Well, its kinda good and healthy however i don't eat breakfast everyday, like im havin breakfast three times a week only. Sometimes i also don't eat lunch and sleep instead of eating but i always eat dinner. i know my diet is very poor. I don't know why i keep on doing it but myself know how bad it is.When i don't have classes, i woke up soooo late like 11 or 12  in the afternoon, there's one time i woke up 2 pm. Then i sleep 2-5 am in ...

I dont know where to begin or how to begin. I moved to my aunts house so i wont spend to much money for fair. And i need this to cause i want to be an indipendent person.  But upon staying on my auntie's house , i also live with my cousin. Well they are older than me. At first im scared. There so much goin on inside my head. 'what ifs' . And that makes me sick. And today its exactly a week after. And i can say that, i feel at home too. Being with them, is just hella rollercoaster emotion. i felt scared, i felt safe. I feel sad. I felt so happy. Tho. i miss them. My family. Almost everynight i heard them talking to their boyfies'. And you all know that I dont have boyfriend right? But upon hearing those laughter. It made me feel contented. I don't know why. Im just really so happy for them. Seeing them blushing, or making lambing 'voice' make me realize that it's really love that matters after all, i guess.. Im still searching whats the true meaning of...

At seventeen, i can say that im tougher enough to face every challenges. Well evreryday was a do or die for me, i know what does it feel to be a typical teen. Expereincing life struggles like heartaches, being left out/alone. Being bullied(?) and facing the reality that life is tough.  I used to get what i want. But thats before because as of now, we're currently experiencing a crisis. Or financial problem cause my father's been unemployed since 2013. I don't know how my mom and dad handle this situation because i remember we dont have money to live. But they do everything for us to continue our study. I don't know how i handle those problem. I had a lot of breakdowns. Overthinking everything. And before i was really a optimistic  but know i am a pessimist. Yep a nega thinker. i also don't know what happened to me.  But time fly so fast and another year was given to me. I guess i still need to learn a lot. God give me another chance to live and to achieve...

It's been a very long day for me. We just had our farewell party today and it's pretty tiring. We dedicated that party to our dearest teachers who guided us to grow as a better person that we could be. (sorry for the bad grammar). Anyway, we thought that it wouldn't be as successful as we expected but we surely enjoy what we had earlier. Those messeges that will remain as our inpiration and motivation to always look forward. To always be thankful to what we have. to be as thoughtful as our second parents/teachers. To be a good model for the next generation. And to be the person we always want to be. It's a farewell party because we'll be moving out the school and make another step for our future. Because i am a grade 10 student of Special Program for Journalism, here in Tayabas City, Quezon Province Philippines. To my Grade 10 Family thank you for sharing your whole jorney with me. Donna's right even though we don't love each other that mush , your stil...

Actually i don't know what to write. I'm screwed. I'm lost for words. I'm broke, broke not because i don't have valentines date but i'm broke because of my personal issues in life. In short I'm fucked up. My mom and dad don't know I speak bad words. My mom and dad don't know how am i ? I don't know why i keep telling myself 'everything;'s fine' but it seems not. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm tired being me. I'm tired from everything im going to. I'm not sure if everything will be fine soon? That's one of the reason why i'm a pessimist, because my false hope keep failing. When i was in grade 7 one of my friend told me that "sometimes it's better to think negatively" and i keep on telling him that " no. you should be positive in life all the time". But when i prove myself wrong for that thinking and i prove my friend thinking right. Last year i began to be a pessimist to less ex...

MR. FUTURE by: Nicole Pawang  Hey boy i wanna make you smile  Do you know i wanna be with you all the time  I want to bake a cake specially for you  I want to dedicate this song for you  And someday we're gonna build our own castle for  Soon we're gonna meet each other  Soon we're gonna be together  Soon were gonna marry each other  And someday ill be the one who'll complete you  Then were gonna make our own family  And make them feel the love like you do for me  And lets live happily ever after baby Im getting ready for our future  I hope to make sure that im ready  ause my heart 's been broken many times And Im scared to love someone once again     I made this song for my future boyfriend. Gonna upload the song soon  

It's been a while since i posted here in my blog. Actually i just wanted to share some of my experiences and lesson this past few months. Since the first day of school for me everything was different i don't know but i just feel that. Then that day came. I never had a chance to meet them before. I always thought that those guys were evil, bad influenced and demons (but my ex-crush belong to those group of guys) . I never give them and myself a chance to reach out. I hated them because something happened between them and my friend. I don't like their presence before because they are annoying. But not until that day came. One of my friends have a best friend who unexpectedly fall in love. Yes i can say that it's a big factor and my other friends had a close friends which belonged to those group of guys. And apparently i'm sitting right next to their other friend. When that they came we became 'barkada'. Meeting those guys were pretty cool. And I just prove...

   Three Angles x Devilished Lady  by : Nicole Pawang There are three angles in heaven named Mary Ann, Nicel and Rafaella. From heaven, they happily watch all the living and non-living things in the earth. One day, God called them and said " oh my lovely angels, i have a special mission for you.You need to go to the world right now. Someone needs your help and you're the bset choice for these since she's just like you not like your attitude but your age is exactly like her. the devils inside her are killing her soul you need to get hurry   ". "Really God ? you'll give us a special mission in the earth ?" The three angels exclaimed excitingly. "Yes", answered God. But Nicel asked God again "But how about our wings?". God answered "In the meantime, your wing will stay here withme. Ad I am giving you 30 days for these mission okay angels. Godbless". It's monday so it means school day, for a typical student its no...

A Sad Poem by: Nicole Pawang Every time I close my eyes  If i could just revise  I don't want to live with lies  It hurts to see your smiling not because of me  Playing these piano with a sad melody  And  the violin sounds thee Those dark clouds is like my mind  Who keeps on looking behind Reminiscing every teardrops on my guitar  Wishing you are here tonight.  

Finally by: Nicole Pawang  I am glad we're okay How are you anyway  Thank you for being honest  I won't do it again I promise I don't care if that chapter has come  to an end  Because now I can say hello  again my friend Excited to be with you again  You know we missed a lot of memories back then  Can we now begin ? So let's start this weekend   Hope to have our closure  But Im sorry I have to act I'm not sure  To know if you care  But please be fair like a square.  Finally were done  Were getting there one by one  Thank you for everyone  Who helped me to this feeling to be gone 

Untitled Poem by: Nicole Pawang Three years had passed Since that day last Can I bring back the past So that I can fix everything we had I regret I loved you More than I should do Because of your clue My dark sky gets blue Will my sorry be enough Why are you so tough I don't know what to say But I want you to stay My mind tells me to stop But my heart says can you not You taught me a lot And I want you to know that i fought Please tell me what's going on Because I feel something's wrong I saw you playing a song But you didn't notice me along How will we get through of this ? When I am always the one who miss I am insecure to every girl you greets Do you want me get to kneel with my knees

Three a.m Thoughts by: Nicole Pawang It was 3 am sharp but here i am Starring at the top  It's been a month  Since I met you  Sharing each others experience Though we have big difference Thank you for bringing the  ROYGBIEV into my dim life For the happiness we've shared Catching each other every time you or I Tend to fall. Every beat of our song Keeping this forever the days and weeks had passed but not our friendship that  will never last stay still my friend And let's prove each one of them  That friendship is greater than  relationship Even the sky was fallen Even there's a lot of stumbling block on our way Thank you for teaching me How to balance friends over this little thing  called love. Too strong too be detach  Cause we're to attach  Too strong to be shatter Cause we both don't bother. I know you my brother  Protecting me like my father You...

Js Dress 

Hi there :)   I can say that junior is the best part of being a high school student. Kase nararamdaman mo na yung maturity mo. Last February 5, 2016 Its our first JS prom. As a junior student  you want na may magsasayaw  sayo like every girls dream. It was a magical night for me because im not expecting na isasayaw ako nung isang lalaki na may naging malaking papel sa buhay ko, dahil nakapag-usap na ulit kami. Kahit maikli lang yon. And also this our moment. Another SPJ moment that will always be remembered.